Tortured Templar

So there is a Dwarven Praetor of Balic and its Dictator in one of my games. A big chunk of his backstory involves a very jealous superior that torments poor Therium Comminutus Scūtum.

His superior got him elected as “Praetor Ambassador At Large to the Wastelands, Deserts, Badlands and their Native Denizens,” and ensures that his embassy is chronically underfunded.

Templars can requisition soldiers 1d4 per level. Though they usually need special permission to take them beyond their city state and its client villages. Therium Comminutus Scūtum has permission to take his requisition out side the city state, but unfortunately the same superior that rigged his election also supervised the filling of his soldier requisition. The following are his soldier or embassy guard requisition.

Centurion- Marcus Clovis - The oldest human Therium Comminutus Scūtum has ever met. He has stories of fighting giants 50 years ago. His eyesight and hearing are not very good. He also mixes up Therium with another dwarf Templar that died 50 years ago.

Legionnaire- Therium Comminutus Scūtum II (not his birth name) - He is a mul with a peg leg and no right hand. Therium Comminutus Scūtum’s jealous superior had this mul’s name legally changed to Therium Comminutus Scūtum II and issued a directive to Therium Comminutus Scūtum to use that name and only that name to refer to him in reports. Mul father is the gravest insult one can level at a dwarf. The name Therium Comminutus Scūtum II for the mul is a way to regularly insult Therium Comminutus Scūtum

Legionnaire - Halfling - no one has bothered to learn his name. He is a halfling that was expelled from his tribe due to his dietary practices. He is a vegetarian. The halfling race are pure carnivores so their digestive systems have trouble with plants. This halfling’s diet results in consistent and profoundly bad bouts of gas that can be described as unholy or blinding.

He needs two more “guards” and maybe some other creative ways for his jealous superior to torment him. I was thinking maybe a super-morbidly obese half-giant that is very clumsy and gets dizzy from exerting himself as a fourth guard, but have not committed to the idea yet. I am open to idea if you have any.


A narcoleptic Thri-kreen?


A bard that is clumsy with poisons - just sloppy; lazy.

A pair of twins that were a failed gladiator duo. They had their tongues cut out and now bicker at each other in sign language non-stop.

A twelve year old son of a noble house that had too many kids in line for the family name. He hasn’t hit puberty yet and tends to run away at the mere mention of violence.

A half elf that insists on lugging his precious cliff glider about… but there’s no raised heights for him to glide from.

A sentient blob of the color blue that claims to be from the Green Age… occasionally casts useful spells, but occasionally rolls on the wild magic tables.


A disgruntled court defiler who doesn’t really care if he is seen because he thinks he is above the law (he is not). He will have to keep him from getting killed by commoners, because he does come from a good family.

Similar thing. The prominent idiot son of a nobleman. If he dies the Templar will be blamed.

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A very “friendly” and attractive half elf templar wannabe who has been assured of a transfer by the superior if Scūtum fails in a spectacular way, without him being caught actively sabotaging the mission. The half-elf is completely loyal to Scūtum (to his face) and every failure can be traced directly to someone else or to pure “bad luck”.

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A scribe with a terrible lisp/stutter and crippling arthritis.
A pyromaniac master shipfloater psion, too powerful to let go.

The world’s smallest half giant… in reality he’s just a large human with commitment issues. No one’s sure if he actually believes he’s a half giant or is just being theatrical from his time as a gladiator.

An aarakocra with a fear of heights - likely ended up that way due to being raised as a slave. In theory he could fly about 15 feet high before suffering from a panic attack, but given the way birds fly that altitude is hardly sustainable.

A dwarven defiler - in reality he is simply an insane sun cleric/wild talent that uses his psionics to burn vegetation whenever he casts a spell. Sun for its part is satisfied with him fulfilling its desire to destroy vegetation and continues to grant him power.

An excessively honorable thri-kreen - while a capable warrior, it refuses to fight anyone it considers unworthy of its time. This means 90% of its duties it spends pushing on others (“a thief? make the dwarven defiler handle it”).

A human gladiator purposefully trained wrong by the other gladiators as a joke. Think Wimp Lo from Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. The templar bought this guy for pennies and use him as a means of filling up space.